A flashback to a relaxing Saturday morning…

I am sitting down this morning, a crisp Saturday morning in October, knowing I want and need to spend time with the Lord.

It was a busy and exhausting week, like many weeks this fall, and I did not have much time to sit down and talk to God. I have a million other things I could be doing right now. I could sleep more or do one of my tasks written in my planner. There is always something to get a head start on. But I know, right now, I need to do none of those things. I feel a tugging at my heart to just sit down, relax, and let God’s Word press into me.

So I found a spot in the house, where I couldn’t get distracted with anything or by anyone. I have my cup of coffee beside me and here I am, ready to go. Alright God, I’m ready.

I am expecting a grand revelation to come over me right now, but nothing is happening. I am confused and wondering what to do.

I have been sitting here for a few minutes now wondering what I should be doing, wondering what God wants me to be doing – should I just sit here and listen to music, write in my journal, read my Bible or articles online? I am unsure of what God wants from me today.

I have now started looking at articles online, still wondering if I am doing this “God time” right.

I landed on a good one, a Christian article titled “what am I supposed to be doing with my life?” It seems to fit what I am thinking and feeling right now. I am finally realizing what I was worrying about this whole time is silly…

God doesn’t care how we come to Him, whether it is through song, prayer or His Word. He just wants us to come to Him, with all our needs and burdens. He wants us to come just the way we are. He will speak to us, just don’t always expect to do nothing in order for that to happen. God still wants us to take action.

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ~ Matthew 11:28

This fall has been more than I can handle at points. Many times I feel disappointed in my words or actions due to sin and not focusing on God enough. I want more God, I just don’t know how or where to start a lot of the time. Sometimes, I even worry that I am not good enough to go back to God, that I haven’t spent enough time with Him so when I do block off a chunk of time to spend with Him, He won’t take me back.

I know this all isn’t true, but sometimes that isn’t enough to stop me from thinking these thoughts. God accepts us for who we are and wherever we are at. We know this is true, but do we always believe it deep in our hearts?

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know this full well. ~ Psalm 139:14

Before we were even born, we were accepted and loved forever by our Heavenly Father. We aren’t perfect, but we are enough. We are always enough to go back to God with all that we are, all that we have been, and all that we want to be.